Especially Thankful

  On Sunday the 22nd, we were having a Friendsgiving party when Phoenix lost his balance and fell off a bench freakishly landing him onto a piece of glass.  Judging by the abnormal amount of blood spewing like a hose, and the deepness to the bone we knew that it was serious.  Our friends tied a rope around his leg, everyone moved quick and my husband drove as fast as he could to Kapiolani.  The blood would not stop.  My baby turned pale, he seemed lifeless.  He didn’t have energy to cry and asked us, “am I going to die?”  He stopped talking and he rolled his eyes to the back of his head.  This little person we made and we love and we could certainly not live without was he just going to leave us?  Just like that?  A moment, a drop of a needle could change your fate forever and was this ours? We shook him to wake up, and he did! Stay with us, stay with us, stay with us.  Bringing up thoughts about dogs that he loves and my little brother who is his best friend helped him stay awake but he was drifting quick…  “Stay awake for Davy!” I said.  “He’s coming! “ Our little ninja stayed with us…At the ER  we knew we were in good hands but there were bad news one after another.  We were notified that the glass was still stuck in his leg… “Inform trauma, inform the surgeon, get the blood transfusion…etc”  words you do not want to hear ever in the same sentence as your child’s name.  He was given a blood transfusion right away and the surgeon took him away.  The last thing he said to us was that he was going to try everything in his power to save his life.  He talked to us about a chance he may have to amputate to which we broke down to but the priority obviously was to save his life and we hugged each other and tried to hope for the best.  We waited the longest daunting 2 hours in the waiting room.  We couldn’t stop replaying the scene, we couldn’t stop blaming ourselves, and the useless what ifs.  We have jobs but our biggest most important job is to protect him and we had failed.  But this is how precious life is.  It just happens and it could not have been prevented.  Finally the surgeon came out and he looked confident. He saved Phoenix and he saved his leg.  It turned out that the stupid glass had cut through his arteries, nerves, and right down his muscles and to the bone.  We were monitored in ICU for 2 days and then to another room Phe shared with a 6 years old boy named Keawe.  Keawe’s mom was so sweet to me and prayed for Phoenix and his recovery.  A smile never left her face and she made me feel at home.

  We still do not know the deficit Phe has to his leg and we are just hoping for the best outcome but none of this matters.  I am still able to hold my boy and say I love you’s to each other.  I am still able to see him grow up and I am EXTREMELY thankful for all the love and angels sent our way.  The outpour of love, prayers, and light sent our way was definitely felt and I know will heal Phoenix in his recovery.  Unfortunately, I can not say the same for a lot of other children and moms who have lost they’re number one.  My friend Patrice comes to mind, and Baby Boy Bakery and my heart aches for them.  I want to say that I’m so sorry that the angels may have had a different plan for them and more than ever now I feel your pain and suffering.  Life is precious and we all hear it.  Love your loved ones and keep them close live everyday like it is your last.  

  I want to go back to Keawe, Phoenix’s roommate in the hospital and Chasitie, his mom.  I am sad to say that this will be their fate too.  Keawe was a normal boy up until February when he was walking home from school and suffered a seizure.  Doctors diagnosed him with a rare incurable disease called ADL.  From there, they had to prepare for the worst and live out their last months together.  They got admitted back into the hospital Monday when Keawe refused to eat.  His ability to speak and his sight had left him long before and he was basically in a vegetative state but she kept playing him Frozen on TV because he still had his hearing.. She said to me with a smile “I had 6 beautiful years with him…that’s better than some people can say.”  Her last wish for him was to be home for thanksgiving as his days were numbered.   Keawe’s room was not filled with balloons, Phe’s was.  Keawe did not have visitors, we had tons.  And yet this mother was elated for me and hugged me when she heard Phe could go home.  I get to take my baby home, I get to take him home I kept thinking while hugging her.  From one mother to another, I wish I could give her everything I have. But the truth is she has more strength than I ever will. A woman same age as me who has not stopped working through all her heartache, because she still had to take care of her other kids, a woman who is still finding the beauty in the world to forgive and embrace other's successes after all she had gone through.  Yes, this was SUPERWOMAN to me and perhaps Keawe being our biggest angel.  

  When I got home I went on her GoFundMe page and felt that I could help them a little somehow by paying it forward.   I wanted to ask that you to continue to keep sending our baby Phe healing vibes for a full recovery as he will definitely need it, but also to extend it to Keawe’s family who have touched our lives forever.  Kindness is everything good in this world.  What are we as humans if we can't help each other? If you can give anything to them it would mean so much to us. 

https://www.gofundme.com/luv4Bu

 This Thanksgiving, I am especially thankful for my baby boy, my husband, doctors and nurses that saved my boy's life, my family here and in Australia, Keawe and his family, our Lana Lane family, our friends, everyone that reached out or wrote to us or thought about us.  Thank you, thank you thank you. 

Return to Kyoto

We took a little boat and paddled across Arashiyama River in Kyoto...We ate street food (pickled cucumbers on a stick, and different types of croquettes), fed wild monkeys and visited temples pretending we were ninjas.  Finding solace in the surroundings and getting lost in all the magic you really can not help walk a little taller when you are there...

Jewelry: Shop Dixi

Dress: Faithfull the Brand

Coat: BLQ Market

Hat: Janessa Leone

The days that end here...

Life moves so fast and before you know it it's been a year since I wrote on here.. Whether it was choosing to guest blog for bigger publications instead, or just being plain busy to even give a shit,  something in my heart told me that I needed to come back to a place where I could be me, honestly, and write my crazy thoughts to look back on.  I also needed a place to put ALL of my photos that didn't make the cut on instagram without pissing off my family.  "Do you like this....?  OR...this?"  Tell me you do this too.

A day as beautiful as yesterday couldn't fit in one little square.  My husband recently got a new film camera and as always we were willing to be his test bunnies...  We usually end up at the beach during sunset for a night swim so like the usual we went down while my husband shot away at us.  Next day we dropped off the roll of film and not expecting anything came back to the most gratifying results...I love these pictures so much it hurts...An essence, a feeling so perfectly captured in time, frozen like the moment was just now.  I guess that's the feeling shooting film gives you.   I realized that no amount of dollar can and will compare to the joy I have of seeing my son dance with the ocean.. We often talk about having another baby, moving to LA , and get beaten down with the pressure of work with what we're doing wrong as oppose to all the rights.  Somehow though, when I look back on these photos,  all the worries get wiped out faster than a tourist on Sandy Beach to reassure me that we are right where we need to be or at least on the right track...My family of 3, living by the ocean, although chaotic, happy as can be as long as our day ends here...

On Phe: River Island swim shorts
On me: Zulu and Zephyr one piece from their new Summer range that dropped today

Discoveries in Paris

There’s nothing quite like the feeling and sound of the wheels of your stroller hitting the cobblestone pavement in Paris.  I fell hard in love. Every morning, we would wake up, stroll down the bustling little town of Le Marais where we would go down and start with our morning ritual of croissant and coffee..Three is such a fun age to travel with.  They ask questions.  They take it in.  We get to explore together.

My son would beg me to take him to the park and I never refuse especially while traveling.  Parks are where you can people watch.  Playgrounds do not lie.  There is something really pure and honest about watching a mom and child at a playground that allows you to take a further glimpse into their culture and lifestyle.  That morning, I witnessed two little sisters trying to sing in harmony to their mom.  On another side of the playground were kids playing with old school tops.  Oh how fun are those things!  Where do I even get one back home?  I spy on a mother and son in matching New Balances.  She is so effortlessly cool.  Her Parisian understated elegance makes me want to become her best friend.

I quickly took note that New Balances are popular shoes in Paris and that children are almost always strolled around in Maclaren strollers.  Most of them don’t look perfect, they look worn and used.   I also took account that there wasn’t anyone holding a coffee on the go like most Americans do as our daily routine. An instant gratification of a starbucks cup in your hand sound familiar right? Sure, I did see the occasional to-go espressos, but they were a last minute option in which they were placed in clear cups with out tops or anything.  This was when I realized…this is it.  This is what makes people different here, is that they appreciate moments longer.  Coffee is meant to be drunk sitting down amidst a conversation or a read. Clothes are meant to be worn over years and years and not because they are trending but because they have never let you down and they become apart of you.   Entertainment is meant to be seen before your eyes and not on a computer screen and flowers are meant to be smelt on the way to your destination.

I asked myself, why do we fix or reinvent things if it’s not broken?  All those old carousels around the Eiffel Tower that go 2 miles per hour, they still bring children so much joy.  The slower it went  also meant that the longer I could spend spotting my son’s face as it came around and the fluttering in my heart would extend to a point where I couldn’t breath anymore.  No words could bare to come out.  Just my laugh, and a big stretched out smile electrified by gratitude…These are the moments we live for.  Life is just that much more richer in Paris when wealth is measured in memories.

Colton Farms Waimanalo

    On the drive to Waimanalo beaches and Kailua, we noticed a little farm on the left hand side right after Baby Makapuu a while ago.  Last week we drove by and noticed that it had considerably grown and even had a cute little sign and decided to pull over.  We were glad we did otherwise we would have never known there was a little story behind this hidden gem.

  Claude Colton does not look Hawaiian judging by his looks, but if you spend 5 minutes with him, you will see that he is as Hawaiian in the heart than anybody could dream to be.  Claude's uncle inherited a a generous amount of mountain land through the Hawaiian Homestead Act.  The homesteads are portion of land in Hawaii dedicated to the native Hawaiians since the early 1920's.  Claude, a natural born farmer and owner of the Colton Farms does not have TVor internet, and jokes that his address is the Big Papaya Tree-- or at least I think he was joking.  He has come a long way in building his ocean front road side animal farm.  Claude explains that throughout the year, Colton Farms have almost become an animal shelter for injured or rejected animals.  He takes all kinda of animals and in all sorts of condition.  There is a little donation box where you can put money in, and feed the goats some hay, but other than that, he labors for love to keep his farm alive.

  I have never been much of an animal person but my son believes that he is an animal himself, and was over the moon with this experience.  I have to admit though that I could not stop smiling the whole time I was there seeing the rescued animals in such good hands, and of course, half wishing I was at least a little Hawaiian so I could one day own half a mountain.  

I didn't want to leave, and if the heat didn't force us out, I think I would still be there talking story with my new buddy Claude.  I kept trying to give him ideas to get on instagram and start a blog or even a Kickstarter for his farm and realized he had no interests in that nor know what I was even talking about.  He was however, open to building the farm, maybe opening up to something bigger.  So here I am, taking it up on myself to tell you about this wonderful little farm tucked away in Waimanalo, with big dreams, so much potential, and a farm that's really old school.  It's for the animals, before the people.